How to... Deal with Adult Tantrums

Child tantrums can be annoying. ADULT tantrums are just sad and pitiful. Seriously! How did they get SO OLD without learning how unacceptable this behavior is? Tantrums range from the passive to the aggressive. I can't decide which is more selfish or annoying. Let's examine.



THE SULK
This is probably my least favorite of the adult tantrums. It goes something like this... "FINE, if I can't get my way, everyone else will suffer until I'm good and ready". I can barely see straight when someone close to me pulls this tantrum on me. Seriously, if you can't get your way, you are going to sulk all night? Or go off to your room, go to bed, play video games and leave all the housework for someone else to do? Freaking grow up. If you feel you are being unfairly treated, discuss it like an ADULT. Why should you ruin the day/night/vacation for everyone else because YOU are a big selfish baby?

- The best way to deal with the sulk, is to ignore it. If the sulker is ruining your party, move the party elsewhere without them. If the sulker is ruining your family's night - go to the movies or out to dinner WITHOUT them. If the sulker consistently sulks - let them know their behavior isn't acceptable, and if they do not stop sulking, you will LEAVE THEM (stop being their friend, whatever).


THE SILENT TREATMENT
You know the one. This is the one where they don't go away - but they won't talk to anyone, or answer questions. This is the one where they punish YOU by ignoring everyone else thereby embarrassing you OR where they have to announce continually they are not talking to you. "Please tell HER, if she wants..." "Please let HER know..." The warning signs of the oncoming silent treatment include statements like: "You KNOW what you've done..." or "If you're going to interrupt my story, I won't talk AT ALL".

Oh please. We do NOT know what we've done - or more likely, what you've DECIDED we've done or thought or meant. Also, we could not control having to answer the child's question about where their eraser has gone. Get over yourself!

-The best way to handle the silent treatment is to IGNORE the perpetrator unless they start talking to you. Do NOT beg them to talk. Do NOT apologize for things you did not do to end the silent HELL. Do NOT contribute to the behavior by passing on information from the SILENT one to the PUNISHED one. ;) They can talk. Let them talk if they want to. This is passive aggressive behavior at its worst.


THE HOWLER
This is the tantrum where the perpetrator starts to YELL to get their way - usually in public.

-The best way to handle the howler depends on the situation. If they are a customer at your place of business, tell them they are behaving in a psychologically violent fashion, and they should either stop, leave - or you will have them removed. If the howler is your friend, spouse, whatever - first ask them to stop yelling, and tell them you'll happily discuss what is making them angry, but you won't tolerate being yelled at and called names. If they do not stop, leave, or ask them to leave. DO NOT HOWL back! It will only inflame the situation.


THE DEMOLITIONS EXPERT
You know the type. They like to THROW THINGS when they are mad. Usually YOUR things. Usually at you.

-The best way to handle the demo-expert is to LEAVE. Tally up the damage later and demand reparations. Take them to court for reparations if necessary. If you are unfortunate enough to live with the demolitions expert, and you have had enough - lock yourself in a room with your children and call the police. Launching projectiles is violent. If they are your spouse/other half - it is domestic violence. Do NOT put up with this behavior. First they are throwing STUFF, next they will throw YOU.


THE COMPLAINER/WHINER
Something small goes wrong - the line is too slow, traffic is bad, whatever - and the Complainer/Whiner starts to complain - and continues to do so for hours. This is the worse adult tantrum. WHY? Because it lasts the LONGEST. Also, if they aren't complaining about you, you look like an ass if you tell them to shut up. If they are complaining about you, you look like an ass if you tell them to shut up.

-The best way to handle the incessant complainer/whiner is AVOID THEM. Not someone who is having a bad day - but someone who partakes in this behavior daily. Okay, maybe that was harsh. Maybe first, tell the person (later, when they are not on a roll and have calmed down)it makes you uncomfortable, or ruins your day when they constantly complain - even if it's not about you. Tell them it is negative behavior and it causes you stress.

If you want to stay friends/married to the complainer/whiner follow these steps to diffuse the whining and complaining.
1) First offer sympathy. You don't have to mean it. "Yes, the salesclerk seemed rude." or "Yes, the traffic is HORRIBLE, I feel sorry for you that you have to drive in it everyday. What a trooper you are!". If this doesn't work immediately, escalate to:

2) Offer a solution. Men do this all the time when women are complaining. Sometimes the woman just wants to complain and doesn't want your stupid solution. ;) HOWEVER, it is important to offer a solution to the incessant complainer for two reasons. First, it may stop them from complaining! Second, if they slough off your suggestion without considering it - or by offering some lame excuse why it won't work - you have an OUT! You can say... well, I tried, but you aren't interested in a SOLUTION. At this point you can tell them to SHUT UP and NOT look like an ass.

In conclusion - like misbehaving children, misbehaving adults need to be disciplined and taught how to behave. The only bonus when it comes to the adult tantrum, is unless the perpetrator is your BOSS, or someone you are otherwise beholden to - there is no good reason you need to put up with their nasty behavior.

SOURCE: Helium.com