Wednesday, July 21, 2010

How to... Reject The Girl You Don't Want

We worry so much about getting women to like us that we often forget how awkward it can be when the tables are turned. What do you do after a date goes sour and you're faced with unwanted instant messages or phone calls?

Check out these tips, and learn how to reject the woman you don't want to date.

No one likes being rejected, but some people get hurt more easily than others. Once you have a good idea how she'll react, you can determine the best way to break the news. So where does the date you'd like to ditch fall in the spectrum? Ask yourself these questions to figure it out:

Is she insecure?
Is she the self-doubting type who aims to please and avoids talking about herself? Or maybe the overcompensating type who acts way too confident? A woman's self-esteem and level of insecurity will play a big role in how she handles rejection.

Have you been leading her on?
Did you agree to meet up again? Did your last conversation go on forever? Even if you thought nothing about it at the time, these types of things can give a girl the wrong idea. Think hard about the little things you may have done to lead her on.

Has the relationship gotten physical yet?
For you it may have been a one-night stand, but for her it may have been the start of something special. Whether it was a one-shot deal or a big part of your relationship, sex is sure to further complicate a situation of unrequited romantic interest.

What's her track record?
Is she a serial dater? Or is she new to the single scene? This can be a good hint of what her expectations were going in.

Now that you know how to gauge her response, it's time to choose a course of action. You have two options at your disposal, and both come with pros and cons.

Option 1: Confront her directly
This tends to go over best with women who can handle rejection well. Remember the "bad breaker-upper" Elaine (and several other women) attacked in that episode of Seinfeld ? Let that serve as an example of why it's so important to proceed with caution if you decide to go with direct confrontation. In general, petty insults don't go over too well. Opt instead to just say no the next time she suggests meeting up, or admit in your next conversation that you don't think things are going to work out.

For starters, you don't run the risk of sending the wrong message; there's only one way to interpret the word "no." You also get if off your chest as quickly as possible. No one likes to beat around the bush, and the sooner you do the deed, the sooner you can relieve yourself of all that awkwardness.

Direct confrontation also has some drawbacks. If you're blunt about your lack of interest, she's more likely to get defensive and confrontational. This is her ego kicking in trying to reassure her that the problem is with you, and not her. She may also ask you countless questions about what she did wrong, a situation you definitely don't want to be stuck in.

Option 2: Give her gradual hints
This is usually the best course of action to take with a woman who is likely to take rejection very personally. Here are some examples of gradual hints that should eventually get the point across:

• Stop returning her calls.
• Keep conversations short.
• Be unreceptive when she mentions meeting in the future.
• Tell her you just got out of a relationship and are hesitant to leap into another one.
• Tell her you're too busy with your career at the moment to spend time on building a relationship.
• Tell her you met someone else.
• Tell her you're getting back together with your ex.

The hope is that she'll get the hint and cut off communication herself. This is ideal because it ends the relationship without you having to outright reject her. But even if she's slow to get the hint and it still comes down to you spelling it out, at least you will have softened the blow.

Of course, if you go with gradual hints, you run the risk of keeping her in your life longer than you'd prefer. Because you're not being entirely straightforward, she may also overanalyze and never get the point. Or even worse, she might misinterpret your hints and just think you're playing hard-to-get. Also keep in mind that some women resent guys who beat around the bush.

There's a fine line between sending hints and playing games. Sure, you want to cut her loose, but you also want the process to be as painless as possible for both of you. Avoid these courses of action:

Don't stand her up
This may be tempting -- after all, it's the most obvious form of rejection. But it's also just plain mean.

Don't keep her hanging on a thread
We've all thought it before -- I don't want her now, but what if I'm feeling desperate and lonely next Saturday night? It may be tempting to keep the option open, but it's unfair to lead her on.

Don't communicate through her friends
This may have worked in fifth grade, but you're just too old for that now. Using her friends to do the deed will make you look like a coward. Step up to the plate and do your own dirty work.

Don't lie to her
If she asks you if you're interested, answer honestly.

So there you have it -- a quick and easy guide to rejecting the girl you don't want. Like most things in life, learning how to cut a girl loose will get easier with experience.

Now all that's left is making sure you stay off of the receiving end of rejection. But that's a set of tips we'll have to save for another article.



littlefuku said...

Now I know how...

ipe said...

i need this...

nesta said...

must apply this.

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